Ass Clown Special Award

As my regular readers know, I generally present Ass Clown awards twice a month, alternating with Great Moments in Editing and Signage. Twice a year, though, the structure of the month allows for three, rather than two awards, and the current month is such a one - the On-Crack Ass Clown for May will be awarded on Friday the 31st. 

As you also know (and I shouldn't need to remind you), the proliferation of disgust-worthy ass clowns and the staggering degree of their ass-clownery is such that I find it necessary to present an occasional Special Award to keep up with the volume ... and this is such a time.

I had drafted and completed last Friday's award (to Florida Federal Judge Aileen Cannon) before two other extremely strong contenders appeared on the scene, and so ...

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I hereby present a dual

Ass Clown Special Award

to not one, but two deserving ass clowns:

Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito

and

Harrison Butker

Let's discuss them one at a time, shall we?

I find it very distressing to note that I have presented three consecutive awards to members of the Supreme Court and federal judiciary. In a nation that prides itself on the fantasy of the impartial rule of law, a depressing number of the nation's judges have put politics and partisanship above the fair administration of justice. So it is with Justice Samuel Alito, one of the most stridently and arrogantly conservative members of a bench stacked with rigidly conservative jurists. In a story broken last week by the Washington Post, it was revealed that Justice Alito - while the Supreme Court was dealing with the fallout from the January 6th, 2021, assault on the Capitol by Der Furor's mob - flew an upside-down U.S. flag in front of his home. An upside-down flag is a recognized symbol of a nautical vessel in distress, as well as a symbol widely used by Der Furor's partisans to show their belief that the 2020 election was "stolen." In true modern fashion, when the storm over this action broke, Justice Alito blamed it on his wife and refused calls to recuse himself from cases dealing with Der Furor and the events of January 6th.

Our second special awardee is a football player named Harrison Butker who, in a 20-minute commencement speech at Benedictine College* in Kansas, said most of the women receiving degrees were probably more excited about getting married and having children, and that some Catholic leaders were “pushing dangerous gender ideologies onto the youth of America.” He went on to say that “I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you,” and that “Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world." One wonders whether a young woman who has invested in a college education shares Mr Butker's misogynistic view of the role of women in modern America.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, I hereby present two tinfoil and toilet paper crowns as Ass Clown Special Awards: one to Star Chamber Supreme Court Associate Justice Samuel Alito and the other to Handmaid's Tale spokesman Harrison Butker. 

I really can't make this stuff up.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming. 

Bilbo

* A private Catholic liberal arts college. 

Musical Sunday

Tomorrow, May 20th, marks the anniversary of the 1949 creation of the Armed Forces Security Agency, the predecessor of today's National Security Agency - the nation's organization for cyber security and signals and digital intelligence collection. With this in mind, it seems like a good time to remember this Elvis Presley tune from the 1962 film Girls, Girls, Girls ...

Can you hear me now?

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend ... at least here in NoVa, it looks like it might actually be the first decent day, weather-wise, in a while. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

I object!! Oh ... wait ... life has overruled me. 

An upside-down U.S. flag, a recognized symbol of distress adopted by Trump supporters contesting the Biden victory, flew over the home of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito while the Supreme Court was considering a case relating to the 2020 election ... and Alito blamed it on his wife; a meeting of the House Oversight Committee, already a laughingstock over its fumblingly inept and evidence-free attempts to impeach President Biden, devolved into a noisy exchange of childish taunts after Georgia Representative Empty G suggested that Florida Representative Jasmine Crockett didn't understand the purpose of the hearing because "... your fake eyelashes are messing up what you’re reading;” President Biden and Der Furor have agreed to two pre-election debates, although Der Furor's quibbling over the rules began almost immediately; a controversial new portrait of King Charles III of Great Britain was unveiled this week; and in Tampa, Florida, an upscale restaurant was discovered decorating its very expensive plates with "mildly toxic" ferns harvested from a plot behind the restaurant often used by dog walkers to relieve their pets. 

This week, in "honor" of the armies of lawyers who daily torture justice until it meets the requirements of their wealthy clients, a collection of cartoons about the legal profession. 

There must be something in the laws of war that prohibits such barbarity ...

If Der Furor ever finally faces justice on all the felonies he's been charged with, we'll really have to scrape the bottom of the potential juror barrel ...

Truth!!

Why not? They get paid either way ...

It's pretty accurate ...

When you date lawyers ...

I'm not sure I'd have gone with this defense, as most lawyers don't tend to be good sports ...

He got the wrong lawyer to review his business plan ...

Behind the scenes in New York ...

I think he'll be pretty lonely if he gets in ...

Have a legally sound and fiscally sufficient weekend, and come back tomorrow for a Musical Sunday salute to the watchers no one's watching. More thoughts then.

Bilbo

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2024

We are just over halfway through the merry and, in NoVa at least, soggy month of May, and it's time to announce the second of our three Ass Clown Awards for the month. The current tidal wave of potential political, social, and quasi-religious potential awardees makes a selection difficult ... but not impossible, as one dishonoree has consistently stood out as being worthy of wearing the tinfoil and toilet paper crown.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, designation as

The Left-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2024

is bestowed upon

Judge Aileen Cannon

Judge Aileen Cannon was appointed to the federal bench by Der Furor as one of his lame-duck measures after losing the 2020 election. She was subsequently assigned by lottery to try the federal case against Der Furor for his deliberate retention and improper storage and use of sensitive, highly-classified government records, and has been deeply criticized by other judges and legal scholars for her extraordinarily lenient and favorable treatment of Der Furor and his attorneys, and her slow-walking of the case which virtually ensures that it will not actually go to trial until after the November election ... if ever.

The list of Judge Cannon's missteps in this critically important case is long and distressing - too long to summarize in this post. For a thorough and well-documented history of her botched handling of the case, I encourage you to read this detailed, but very readable summary by law professor, former federal prosecutor, and legal analyst and commentator Joyce Vance: Mar-a-No-Go. Ms Vance paints a damning picture of a judge who is both out of her depth and plainly anxious to protect the man who appointed her to the bench.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dear Readers, the Left-Cheek Ass Clown for May, 2024, is Florida Federal District Court Judge Aileen Cannon - a jurist who clearly proves that there are two standards of justice in the United States ... and that they favor the rich and powerful at the expense of the nation.

Have a good day, and come back tomorrow when Cartoon Saturday helps us wash the taste of judicial misconduct out of our mouths.

More thoughts then.

Bilbo

Poetry Sunday

Dorothy Parker, a charter member of the famous Algonquin Round Table, was a marvelously witty author, poet, critic, and social commentator. In this poem, she reflects on the inner thoughts of a lady who is - outwardly, at least - the very image of propriety ...

Song of Perfect Propriety

by Dorothy Parker

Oh, I should like to ride the seas,

A roaring buccaneer;

A cutlass banging at my knees,

A dirk behind my ear.

And when my captives' chains would clank

I'd howl with glee and drink,

And then fling out the quivering plank

And watch the beggars sink.

I'd like to straddle gory decks, 

And dig in laden sands,

And know the feel of throbbing necks

Between my knotted hands.

Oh, I should like to strut and curse 

Among my blackguard crew....

But I am writing little verse,

As little ladies do.

Oh, I should like to dance and laugh

And pose and preen and sway,

And rip the hearts of men in half, 

And toss the bits away.

I'd like to view the reeling years

Through unastonished eyes, 

And dip my finger-tips in tears, 

And give my smiles for sighs.

I'd stroll beyond the ancient bounds,

And tap at fastened gates, 

And hear the prettiest of sound-

The clink of shattered fates.

My slaves I’d like to bind with thongs

That cut and burn and chill...

But I am writing little songs,

As little ladies will.

Aye, matey, you'd best treat that lady with care!

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Honor your mother. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

As my Dad would have said, if this week had been a fish, I'd have thrown it back. 

The House of Representatives easily rejected an attempt by extremist Republicans to oust Mike Johnson as Speaker of the House; Russian authorities in Vladivostok have arrested an American soldier* on charges of theft; presidential wannabe Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, told interviewers he is in good health despite suffering from a brain parasite more than a decade ago; the supreme leader of the Taliban confirmed that public stoning and flogging would remain as punishments for crimes**, especially those committed by women; and in Los Angeles, Hertz charged a customer $277 refueling charge for returning his rental car - a fully-electric Tesla Model 3 with no gas tank - without a full tank of gas, and refused to remove the charge, telling the customer that "your signed rental agreement [shows] that you are fully aware of the fuel option that was added on the contract."

My oldest granddaughter is getting married this summer, so I figured it was time to go to the files and pull out a collection of cartoons about weddings ... 

Nowadays, you've gotta have a lawyer for everything ...

This is not a good sign ...

Neither is this ...

Full disclosure, indeed ...

It seems this might have been worked out in advance ...

This one's personal ... when Agnes and I married in Germany, I was convinced that the combination of German and US marriage regulations would only be satisfied when the weight of the paperwork equalled the weight of the bride ...

It's how we do things nowadays, isn't it? ...

Hyphenation is soooo last year ...

You can get into serious accidents when you're overly distracted ...

I guess she moderated her standards ...

And that's it for this week's wedding-themed Cartoon Saturday. Did you enjoy it? Say, "I did."

Have a good day and a great weekend. More thoughts tomorrow, when the matchless Dorothy Parker visits for Poetry Sunday. See you then.

Bilbo

* Who was dumb enough to be in Russia at a time like this.

** Haibatullah Akhundzada, the Taliban's supreme leader, scoffed at foreign outrage, saying that "You may call it a violation of women's rights when we publicly stone or flog them for committing adultery because they conflict with your democratic principles... [But] I represent Allah, and you represent Satan." He was apparently talking about Der Furor.

Great Moments in Editing and Signage

First collection for the new month - get 'em while they're hot!

I think I'll just do my own cooking, thanks ...

The competition must have been intense ...

Which one is the day? ...

If this ... rings ... true, perhaps you should try another jeweler ...

Ya think? ...

I'm shocked! SHOCKED, I tell you!! ...

When I was a unit commander, I had some odd situations to deal with, but this was not one of them ...

Either take down the "No Pedestrians" sign or change the street name to "Don't Walker" ...

Why do I not find this surprising? ...

I always found that to be true ...

Have a good day and be sure to come back tomorrow for Cartoon Saturday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo

Johnny Carson on Democracy (Repeat)

While going through old blog files, I found this post that I first published in October of 2013. I'm reposting it today (with a few very minor edits) because it's as timely now as it ever was ...

One of the shrill comments that has been echoing down the corridors of argument during the present manufactured government crisis is that we don't live in a democracy, but in a constitutional republic. While this is undoubtedly true, it's pointless for purposes of extracting us from the swamp in which our elected reprehensives have mired us. But it does give me a hook to find a little humor in the current tsunami of embarrassing government ineptitude.

I dug back into my humor files and found the transcript of a monologue on democracy delivered by the late, great Johnny Carson back in 1991.

I looked for a video of it on YouTube, but couldn't find anything other than the scrolling text with accompanying music ... I'd give a lot to see Carson actually delivering this again, because no one has ever been able to match his delivery ...

"What Democracy Means to Me"

by Johnny Carson

"To me, democracy means placing trust in the little guy, giving the  fruits of nationhood to those who built the nation. Democracy means  anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can  be vice president.

"Democracy is people of all races, colors, and creeds united by a single dream: to get rich and move to the suburbs away from people of all races, colors, and creeds. Democracy is having time set aside to worship - 18 years if you're Jim Bakker.

"Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective political parties.

"Democracy means freedom of sexual choice between any two consenting adults; Utopia means freedom of choice between three or more consenting adults. But I digress.

"Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto -- usually a mop or a leaf blower. It means that with proper timing and scrupulous bookkeeping, anyone can die owing the government a huge amount of money.

"Democracy means a thriving heartland with rolling fields of Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Spanky, and Wheezer*. Democracy means our elected officials bow to the will of the people, but more often they bow to the big butts of campaign contributors.

"Yes, democracy means fighting every day for what you deserve, and fighting even harder to keep other weaker people from getting what they deserve. Democracy means never having the Secret Police show up at your door. Of course, it also means never having the cable guy show up at your door, either. It's a tradeoff. Democracy means free television**, not good television, but free.

"Democracy is being able to pick up the phone and, within a minute, be talking to anyone in the country, and, within two minutes, be interrupted by call waiting.

"Democracy means no taxation without representation, and god knows, we've just about had the hell represented out of us. It means the freedom to bear arms so you can blow the "o" out of any rural stop sign you want.

"And finally, democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head - this signifies that when the white man came to this country, it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle.

"I thank you."

I miss Johnny Carson.

Have a good day. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

* The reference is to the characters on the old "Our Gang/The Little Rascals" film series. I'm dating myself by knowing that.

** This hasn't aged very well, judging from the size of my cable TV bill.

Musical Sunday

I'm in the mood for a rockin' good tune today. I think I've used this one here before, but it's one of my favorites and it's my blog, so let's ride on the Wall of Death with Nancy Griffith one more time ... 

I really, really miss Nanci Griffith, who passed away in 2021 at the age of 68. 

Have a good day and enjoy the rest of your weekend. More thoughts coming.

Bilbo

Cartoon Saturday

Welcome to May ... I'm hoping it'll be better than April, but I'm not holding my breath. 

In an interview with a Milwaukee newspaper this week, Der Furor said he would accept the results of the November presidential election only "if everything's honest," but failed to provide his definition of an "honest" result*; in Israel, government officials are concerned that the International Criminal Court may seek arrest warrants for their military and political leaders, including Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, on suspicion of war crimes in Gaza; in his first remarks about the demonstrations roiling college campuses over the war in Gaza, President Biden said he supports the right to protest while denouncing hate speech and emphasizing the rule of law; a Georgia man who bragged that he “fed” a police officer to a mob of rioters storming the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021, has been sentenced to nearly five years in prison; and Meigs County, Tennessee, Director of Emergency Services, criticized at a recent meeting over the slow response of emergency response teams to calls for help, told a country resident, "Ma'am we're all gonna die. My suggestion to you is to get your heart right with God." 

This week, Cartoon Saturday takes a look at two types of cartoons about everyone's favorite fowl: specifically, why the chicken crossed the road, and whether the chicken or the egg came first. 

The consequences of not being careful while crossing the road can be severe ...

Good advice, if a bit late ...

Poor Dave ...

Now, this is a bit different take on the "crossing to the other side" theme ...

At least it should be a fairly cheap trip ...

The earliest known chicken? ...

I doubt the counsellor is going to resolve this one ...

I wonder if this was one of the parts left out of Genesis ...

Legalese is everywhere ...

Yes, that would settle it ...

Have a good day and a great weekend ... don't chicken out on the chance to enjoy yourself. See you back here tomorrow for Musical Sunday - more thoughts then.

Bilbo 

* Hint: it's honest if he wins.